We all have a spark of divinity within us that connects us to each other. This is what makes us different from other creatures.

God is love, and because we all have a spark of His divinity in us, we all have an innate basic need to love and to be loved. However, because we are born into an imperfect world, all of us have been disappointed and let down by others we depended on. This creates an emotional vacuum that, on a very deep subconscious level, needs to be filled.

In some people, these emotional holes are extremely large, owing to abuse and neglect, and in others, they are less extreme. In any case, all of us have some emotional deficiency resulting from being raised by imperfect parents in an imperfect world. These emotional deficits are like black holes that constantly pull us down despite our personal effort to resist.

These emotional holes directly affect our lives and how we relate to others on a very deep level. This subconscious quest to fill our personal emotional deficiency has a greater impact on our lives than we probably realize. Often, they are the basis of marital discord and problems with interpersonal relationships. The pain from our loss of love creates a fear of rejection and abandonment, a fear of not being valued, or a fear of loss of control. Our emotional black holes distort our perception of reality, creating delusions regarding our sense of worth and our needs. Our fears and delusions feed on each other as we are sucked into a downward spiral by the gravity of our emotional black holes.

We all are subconsciously searching for ways to fill our emotional holes to escape this dysfunctional cycle. Unfortunately, some people seek to fill their emotional emptiness with things that are very destructive, such as drugs or alcohol. Many of us take good and even essential things, such as food, work, sex, relaxation, excitement, and yes, even religion, to an extreme in an effort to fill our emotional needs. However, these things only temporarily distract us from feeling our emptiness.

Some people seek the rigidity of rules and strict discipline to give themselves a false sense of control, while others reject almost all restrictions in hope of escaping from the emptiness that haunts them. However, none of these things fill our needs. Consequently, our emotional needs often grow because we are looking for love in all the wrong places. Eventually, our life may even become completely out of control and unmanageable.

While we are searching for ways to fill our own emotional emptiness, we leave potholes behind us in the lives of individuals who are close to us, especially our children who depend on us for their understanding of love and how to relate to others. We may sense our inadequacy and indulge our children in an effort to mitigate our sense of guilt, but material things will not fill the emotional black holes we create in them. We may even become frustrated with our offspring as they act out or use inappropriate means to try to fill the emotional holes that we helped create.

The only way to actually fill the holes that were created by a lack of love is to turn to the spark of divinity that is in each of us and follow it. God, who is love, is the only source who can completely fill our emotional black holes. We draw closer to God by following this divine essence that is in us, directing us to know what is right and true.

The more we seek light and truth, the closer we draw to God, and He fills our life with love. The more we follow the impressions we have of what is right, the more we are able to recognize that guiding divine light within us. We become more secure because we know who we really are. But, in order to do this, we have to be honest with ourselves, which is probably one of the hardest things to do. The only way to truly be honest with oneself is by seeking truth and being honest with others.
The closer we draw to God, the freer we are to be our true selves. We are liberated from reacting to other people, as opposed to just pretending not to care what others think. We become more whole and more connected with other individuals and with humanity. We become more at peace with ourselves and the universe, and our anxiety decreases.

This is why some followers of non-Christian religions may actually be closer to God and living better Christian lives than some individuals who simply proclaim themselves to be Christians. Truth will guide people to Christ, and those who are familiar with truth will eventually accept Him and His teachings when the truth is presented to them in its pure form.

The more we follow that internal divine spark of the light of Christ, the more we submit our will to His, until we completely open ourselves to Him. He then is able to fill our emotional holes with love, and we become free to be ourselves and enjoy life. We feel a broader spectrum of emotions more intensely. Gratitude fills our life with joy and peace. It is as if we are born again into a more abundant and full life.

Once our own emotional holes are filled, we are freed to love more deeply and broadly. We are more kind, less envious, not puffed up, less selfish, not easily provoked. We rejoice in truth and not evil; we are able to endure and suffer things with patience. We become less concerned with ourselves and more interested in others. The depth of our love increases. At the same time, the breadth of our love, or the number of people we care for, increases. We become more like God because we feel more love for others. Eventually, we may even become like Him if we continue to follow the inspiration we receive.

I invite you to join me as I recall my journey of discovery as I wrestled with my emotional black holes.

Emotional Black Holes Book
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